Sunday, January 8, 2017

I regret being a good student in High school

Being a good student is not a bad thing. It is actually very rewarding. You can make your parents proud and you will gain the admiration of the people around you. But it has its downside too.

Eversince I was in Elementary, I was always in the honor roll. I even graduated Valedictorian. In Highschool, I was in the Top 5 of my batch. I was also active in extra-curricular activities. I even joined the CAT (Citizens' Army Training) and became the Captain of Charlie Company. I was the Editor-in-Chief of our school paper. I was a Senator in our Student Body Organization. I was everywhere! I regret being too busy because I've lost too many opportunities to truly enjoy High School.

I had lots of friends back then. But no one really stayed true. I realized that people were drawn to me because I was popular. Not because I was a good friend and that I was fun to be with. It's just that I was "there".

People developed high expectations on me. Those expectations, up to this moment, always prevent me from truly pursuing the path I want because over the years, I was made to believe that I can only become significant if I become "somebody". In truth, I just want to be a nobody.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have focused more on making true friends rather that craving for admiration. Back then, I really thought and felt important. Boy, was I so wrong. I was too full of myself. And now, I have no one I can really run to and pour my feelings on. My bestfriend has a family of her own now and I could not really bother her about my problems, you know. No one comes to mind whenever I want someone to listen to me.

I was so caught up with the desire to have people admire me that I missed out what's truly important. I now realized that I never really enjoyed High school that much. I never enjoyed my younger days the way others did.

Being good at something is always a positive thing. Excelling in academics is also advantageous where it really matters but as we grow older, we realize that those are really just superficial. They can help us in our careers but they sometimes prevent us from truly enjoying the life God gave us.

There are more important things in life than receiving recognitions and awards. :)

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Series of Regrets

All of us have regrets in life. Sometimes, our mistakes in the past catch us in the present that pushes us to the corner and make us wish to go back to that certain past to correct our mistake or to undo our past actions or untangle past confusions. Of course, it's impossible. And the only thing that remain is REGRET.

We have choices. I know that. Even happiness is a choice. Even love. And if you do not feel any regret in your heart, then you must have made the right choice.

Or so I thought.

At the age of 30, I already have so many regrets and I carry them everyday. They are heavy and they are making me so unhappy.

In my future posts, I will tell you what those regrets are and how they've changed me as a person.

I will tell you how carefree I was and how I loved my life way back then.

I will tell you about the people who made a mark in my life, whether good or bad. I will tell you about my darkest thoughts.

I'd like to start year 2017 with full acceptance of everything that composed me as a person. 

Bear with me. I am trying to figure out myself.