See things the way I do..: Missing a loved one..

I never thought that I could ever miss someone so much that it hurts.

My sister.

My sister, who I fondly call "Manang" (Such is how we address our elder sister in Ilonngo dialect, one of Philippines' local dialects) with her husband and her 3 years old daughter left for Canada last February 2013. They worked for their immigrant visa for almost three (3) years and finally, they were able to leave. It was a moment of triumph for both our family and her husband's family because one way or another, we all supported them of their dream.

It was also a moment of terrible sadness (as if sadness is never terrible).

Touched down in Canada

Closer to their dreams

We all shed tears when they left us. I practically wailed when I hugged my sister goodbye..I could not believe that I won't be seeing her in the flesh for the next 4 - 5 years. It was a ridiculous idea! But it was real. Actually, nights before they left, I was having a hard time coping with the fact that I will become totally independent of her because of the distance and coping with the idea that I won't be seeing my niece grow. I love her so much. I cried buckets. It was a very sad moment for all of us.

My sister has been a very dominant character in my life story. She served as both my mother and father when we were still studying in college. She served as our breadwinner when everything was falling apart - our business back then died a sudden death because of El Niño. And my sister took matters into her own hands and strove to earn so she can help our parents and support us. She struggled hard in college in coping with her schedule because she was working. Such a selfless love for her family.

I remembered the first time she brought Chickenjoy from Jolibee where she was working. The taste was so good because I felt it was hard-earned. It was a momentous event. From then on, she saw to it to bring something from Jolibee for us to eat so we wouldn't be ignorant of the food that the chain offers. Me and my brothers grew up in a far flung area so we were not acquainted with the smiling "jolly" bee back in the early 2000s. She is a one-of-a-kind sister.

snow!!!!

Father and Daughter

She is also a loving daughter. She strove hard to provide support for my parents whose life revolve around selling dry goods and RTWs. She helped bring back our lost business. Although it is not as big as before but it is enough to provide my parents what they need. She also helped in renovating our home. Our house is still unfinished but it is definitely bigger and way way better than our old house. She said that when things will become stable in Canada, she will help in completing our house. She has her own family now but she can't refrain from giving us the best. She is very generous. And she never asked us for anything in return but a promise to lead a good life for ourselves and to never forget our parents.

She and her husband is also supporting my brother-in-law's family, continually providing them financial support, especially Kuya's parents.

But my sister is not a saint. She has her "crazy" moments as well. She is a very high-tempered lady. I've always thought that she got this from our Aunt, my father's younger sister, who has the same quality, because she lived with them when she was in High school. She is also very strict and impatient. She also disciplined us and never hesitated to spank us when she can't help herself. But I never learned to fight back when I was younger. My respect and fear was very imminent. And I never learned to hate her for that. We were raised by a very strict father who believed that to drive home his point and to show us the errors of our way, we had to bear the pain of punishment. My father's disciplinary ways was very helpful in developing our strong characters. All of us turned out better than expected. :) Anyway, back to my sister. Now that we are older, we developed that sense of sisterly communication that holds us closer. We still fight. But we fight and argue in order to agree.

And I terribly terribly miss her. When they were still here in the Philippines, I was not living with my sister and we were not really together always but the distance now is far different because we can't just visit each other whenever we like.

I miss how she would sneak and tinker on our mobile phones and read all our personal messages and absentmindedly comment something nice or terrible depending on her opinion. I miss how we would laugh together gossiping about the people who are so envious of our fate that it feels like we are killing them. I miss how we would whisper to each other when we see someone screwing herself up and then, we giggle.

I miss how she would tell me how she truly feels about my choices in life and how she hates me for being so stupid sometimes and how she would bring me back to my senses.

Honestly, I never had any major decisions in my life without having to consult with my sister because I have always considered her opinions or recommendations so important and genuine and I feel that I could never go wrong when I heed her advise. I feel that I will always be okay for as long as my sister is there. She is my anchor and she keeps me from drowning.

It is really hard to miss someone so close to our hearts. It's as if we are deprived of a portion of the air that we breath, our oxygen. It's as if we are missing something so vital in our lives that it is so hard to live a normal life.

I will always be very grateful that God gave me my sister. She was meant to be my Manang even before my mother conceived me. It would have been a different life if she's not my sister. I will always miss our days together. Five years is too long.

We don't know what the future holds for us and our loved-ones. We really do not know if we will remain physically close to the people we love and it would be hard to cope when that time comes. But what is important is we collect good memories that we can hold on to when the parting is inevitable. More importantly, we should always show how much we value our family while we have the chance because when they leave for a distant place, we could never let them feel how much we love them through virtual communication.

Nothing beats loving the people around us on a very personal level - personal means being able to touch them, hug them, and kiss them..